Not long ago I found myself sitting in my car with tears running down my face hoping my best friend would pick up the phone. I had a rough morning and knew she would have the words I needed to hear. The thing about her though, she isn’t going to tell you what you want to hear. She’s been through enough that her tolerance for bull is really low. She’s not mean, just really honest. She’s been through things that I honestly don’t know how she survived, so when she gives advice it’s more than likely she’s been through it already or something similar. She’s walked through fire and it formed her and shaped her into someone that can see past your exterior right to your heart. The most beautiful part of that is how compassionate and loving she can be despite it all. Those qualities are something I hope I can show in my own life.

The thing about healing though is it’s personal. No one can do it for you. If you aren’t ready to receive the lesson, to see the truth, you won’t learn and grow from it. I feel like God brings a situation around as many times as it takes for us to get it. I’ve had to learn that the hard way and I can tell you I’ve had to face the same situation over and over and sometimes over again to learn the lesson He was trying to show me.

The other thing about healing is, you have to unlearn things and break patterns. Trauma can not only play a role in how we react to things, it also plays a role in how we allow others to treat us. Not everyone will like the new version of you and it may take time for them to understand what you will and will not accept. Setting those boundaries will allow you the space to react from a place of genuine emotion then from a place of hurt. Being aware of toxic behavior from ourselves isn’t always the easiest thing to do but important to be able to truly release the negative energy that has made a home in our lives.

Sounds easy right? For me, it hasn’t been. It has taken me years to unravel trauma and to uncover things I had blocked out. Facing those things is the first step. Be kind and gentle with yourself because healing isn’t linear and takes time, sometimes years to recover from. Then it’s a constant choice not to fall back into old patterns. That may sound overwhelming and hard and it is but to me it’s worth it not to repeat those things. The peace is worth the price.

I can’t say it enough, therapy is the greatest gift you can give yourself along with doing the hard work to get to the other side. I’m praying for love and peace for you over the next few weeks.

What are some ways you are finding peace for yourself this season?