By Missy Wiseman

Hey friend, how are you? You doing ok? I was sitting here thinking about how December used to start different for me every year and wondering if this happens to anyone else. A few days before one of my favorite months starts, I would go through different emotions. Some years I would get emotional, some years I felt moody, some years I just felt down. Is that weird for someone who loves the Christmas season? Maybe, but I know now it’s completely normal. This time of year can remind us of many things, people who are no longer with us, it can magnify a difficult time you are going through or it can bring up past memories that are hard to remember. Add in working, shopping, get togethers and it can become a season of sadness instead of joy. First of all I want to say it’s ok to feel all of it. Sit with those feelings and remember the person you’re missing, take time to acknowledge that what you are going through is hard and that your past may have been difficult. Give yourself some grace because despite what all of the commercials are saying, it’s ok to feel other things than joy during the holidays.

After Aubrey died we started going to a support group called The Compassionate Friends. Every 2nd Sunday of December, TCF holds a worldwide candle lighting to honor the memories of children who left too soon. It was not an easy event to go to but it helped us to feel less alone in our grief and it was a way to remember Aubrey and to hear her name said out loud. We met so many people in different stages of their grief journey and over the years we were able to comfort and to return the gift so many others gave to us, a place to just be. As we moved further along in our grief, we started lighting a candle on our own at home with the kids but we never forget the kindness and compassion showed to us all of those years. What I learned after years of therapy and talking to people who have experienced loss is I don’t need to live in a state of grief, that it’s ok to feel both. That learning to live with grief or pain can look different and doesn’t always have to look the same for everyone. There is space for both joy and pain and that you don’t have to choose. One thing I encourage you to do is seek out moments that fill your soul while giving yourself the gift of accepting what is but also be present in the simple things. Sending lots of love and hugs through this season.