healing

My heart knows it’s Christmas time

By Missy Wiseman

Hey friend, how are you? You doing ok? I was sitting here thinking about how December used to start different for me every year and wondering if this happens to anyone else. A few days before one of my favorite months starts, I would go through different emotions. Some years I would get emotional, some years I felt moody, some years I just felt down. Is that weird for someone who loves the Christmas season? Maybe, but I know now it’s completely normal. This time of year can remind us of many things, people who are no longer with us, it can magnify a difficult time you are going through or it can bring up past memories that are hard to remember. Add in working, shopping, get togethers and it can become a season of sadness instead of joy. First of all I want to say it’s ok to feel all of it. Sit with those feelings and remember the person you’re missing, take time to acknowledge that what you are going through is hard and that your past may have been difficult. Give yourself some grace because despite what all of the commercials are saying, it’s ok to feel other things than joy during the holidays.

After Aubrey died we started going to a support group called The Compassionate Friends. Every 2nd Sunday of December, TCF holds a worldwide candle lighting to honor the memories of children who left too soon. It was not an easy event to go to but it helped us to feel less alone in our grief and it was a way to remember Aubrey and to hear her name said out loud. We met so many people in different stages of their grief journey and over the years we were able to comfort and to return the gift so many others gave to us, a place to just be. As we moved further along in our grief, we started lighting a candle on our own at home with the kids but we never forget the kindness and compassion showed to us all of those years. What I learned after years of therapy and talking to people who have experienced loss is I don’t need to live in a state of grief, that it’s ok to feel both. That learning to live with grief or pain can look different and doesn’t always have to look the same for everyone. There is space for both joy and pain and that you don’t have to choose. One thing I encourage you to do is seek out moments that fill your soul while giving yourself the gift of accepting what is but also be present in the simple things. Sending lots of love and hugs through this season.

Hey friend!

Whether you are here because you are an amazing friend or family member or a new face, welcome! This is by far one of the scariest things I have done but yet something I have been patiently waiting to do. God put it on my heart that I would share my story back in 2015 and I have spent all of these years waiting for the sign from God to “go”. Those years have not been wasted. There has been a lot of pain, releasing and growing that had to take place for me to get to this point and I can’t believe these words are coming out of me, but I am grateful for every obstacle and road block. Each hard time taught me more about myself and more importantly, who God is. His character, His love and His compassion. I spent almost all of my school years in private school and most of my adult life thinking of God one way, that no matter what I did I was going to hell. That I could never please Him so why even bother. What He has taught me these past 7 years is His love has no end, His plan is precise and there has not been a time that He hasn’t been with me. The relationship I have with Him now is not just out of fear but because I opened my heart to who he truly is. That He follows through on His promises and only wants the best for me.

If you are still with me, thank you! Thank you for your support, your love and for going along on this journey of telling my story. I don’t know where it will go from here but I hope you find some encouragement, a few laughs and that no matter what you have been through, you aren’t alone.